Research shows that in 100% of cases, when starting a sentence with 'If you ask me' almost always indicates that no one asked you.

29      0
I always win arguments with people on the internet because I do this super cool thing where I stop typing and log off.

28      0
When people ask, 'What the hell were you thinking?' Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.

39      0
Maybe the sun doesn't want to be called hot. Maybe it wants to be called beautiful.

32      0
When people see you lying down with your eyes closed and they have to ask, 'Are you sleeping?' 'No, I'm training to die.'

32      0
Perfect has 7 letters and so does 'meeeeee'. Coincidence? I think not.

31      0