I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn't a selfie.

10      0
Every day is leg day when you're running away from your problems.

6      0
Research shows that in 100% of cases, when starting a sentence with 'If you ask me' almost always indicates that no one asked you.

31      0
I always win arguments with people on the internet because I do this super cool thing where I stop typing and log off.

30      0
When people ask, 'What the hell were you thinking?' Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.

41      0
Maybe the sun doesn't want to be called hot. Maybe it wants to be called beautiful.

34      0