Dear Tuesday, nobody likes you either. You're just Monday's ugly cousin.

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I hate it when I plan my day and nobody follows the script.

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I'm so naturally funny because my life is a joke.

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'It's going to be okay!'
'Yeah, that's because it's not happening to you.'

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Dear Life, when I said, 'Can my day get any worse', it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

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Everything happens for a reason! Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions.

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