Nicknames are way more fun when people don't know they have them.

28      0
When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

26      1
If I were famous, I would knock on random people's doors and be like, 'Hello, yes it's me.'

46      0
Distance sucks. The kitchen is so far from the couch.

19      1
Pringles: The only chip company that doesn't sell air.

25      0
What flickering lights mean:
1% electrical problems
99% demons

17      0