That annoying moment in a restaurant when you get excited to see your food coming, but the waiter drops it off at another table.
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
I'm jealous of my parents because I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
I would like to have a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.
The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours. Left, right, middle, wherever.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
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