The closest I've come to murder is holding my Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop.

51      0
If I die in my sleep I can actually say I died doing what I love.

38      0
Capitalization is the difference between 'helping your Uncle Jack off a horse' and 'helping your uncle jack off a horse'.

26      0
Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

22      0
Nothing is as disappointing as reheated fries.

23      2
Why is it called 'beauty sleep' when you wake up looking like a troll?

37      0