Inspirational status of the day: Don't be a douche.

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Fastest way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? 'It's open.'

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Every time I lay down in bed I think, 'Why didn't I do this sooner?'

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I'll do pretty much anything if I know it's guaranteed to annoy someone.

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If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.

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Be with someone who gives you the same feeling of when you see your food coming at a restaurant.

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