When people ask, 'What the hell were you thinking?' Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.

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I hate brushing my teeth at night because that means that I can't have anymore food and I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment.

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The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren't me.

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It's not that I'm not a morning person; I love mornings. I'm just not a waking up person.

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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.

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Do you ever play a song and realized you were too distracted to appreciate it so you replay it?

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