When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

13      1
Only your best friend understands when you say, 'I saw my boyfriend today.' You are referring to the hot guy that has no clue you exist.

13      0
You know a woman is mad when she starts off her sentence with, 'I just find it funny how', because there's a 99% chance she did not find it funny at all.

16      0
'You are like a coin.' 'Aw, do you mean valuable?' 'No, two faced.'

17      0
If I were famous, I would knock on random people's doors and be like, 'Hello, yes it's me.'

27      0
I love learning bad things about people I don't like.

19      0