Me: Mom, I need money. Mom: What? Did you spend those two dollars I gave you in 2013 already?

27      0
I hate looking ugly the first time I meet someone, like wait I can do better than this I swear.

31      0
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say 'hello'. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

29      0
I'm not judgmental. I just have excellent assessment skills.

16      0
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?

18      0
I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

19      0