You never realize what you have until it's gone. 
For example, Toilet Paper.







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Stop calling yourself sexy. 
The only thing you turn on is a microwave.







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When things get me down, I take a deep breath and go to my happy place. The fridge.







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Swearing: Because 'poopie pants' and 'meanie head' just doesn't cut it.







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Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn't listening to begin with.







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Dear McDonald's cashier, don't give me that look.There's no age limit on a happy meal. And don't forget the toy.







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