Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn't listening to begin with.







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Dear McDonald's cashier, don't give me that look.There's no age limit on a happy meal. And don't forget the toy.







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Dear haters, don't criticize me for my flaws and mistakes when you can't even see your own.







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You grow on people, but so does cancer.







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The best way to get rid of a telemarketer is to ask them what they are wearing.







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Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but I love you now.







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