Whenever you feel worthless, remember you were once the quickest sperm cell.







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A push up bra is like a bag of chips. You open the bag and it's half empty.







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You know it is going to be a good story when it starts with: 'So this bitch...'







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Admit it, you sometimes pretend to care about a teacher's personal life to waste time in their class.







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If you don't like me, you're the only one who cares.







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I know we're not dating, but whenever I see someone else flirting with you, I want to shoot them in the face.







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