lolsotrue: #599
Annoying person: 'Aw you're cute when you're mad!'
Me: 'Keep it up and I'm about to get real adorable!'
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lolsotrue: #598
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
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lolsotrue: #597
Whenever a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.
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lolsotrue: #596
When eating food from a plate, I always start with whatever I like the least.
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lolsotrue: #595
The awkward moment when someone is watching you take a picture of yourself.
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lolsotrue: #594
A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell saying 'that was fucking awesome'.
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