Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won't text me back.

51      0
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.

36      1
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones, we would be the healthiest people on the planet.

46      0
Admit it, you've made a little kid cry and then made them laugh so you wouldn't get in trouble.

61      0
Me: Mom, I need money. Mom: What? Did you spend those two dollars I gave you in 2013 already?

44      0
I hate looking ugly the first time I meet someone, like wait I can do better than this I swear.

53      0