If you're in a relationship and all you do is cry everyday, you'll need to stop and ask yourself, 'Am I dating a human or an onion.'







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Whatever 'serving size'. Don't act like you know me.







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Dear Tuesday, nobody likes you either. You're just Monday's ugly cousin.







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We had Social Networks when we were kids too. It was called 'outside'.







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When people see you lying down with your eyes closed and they have to ask, 'Are you sleeping?' 'No, I'm training to die.'







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The best way to get me to overreact is to merely hint that perhaps I might possibly be overreacting.







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